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Our Mismanagement:
Ass. GM: Local Yokel
The Gathering: We (myself, No Name Terri, Poison Vagivy, along with my 2 virgins, No Name Michelle and Ron) made our grand entrance. No Name Terri blowing her whistle as hard as she could and fishtailing through the parking lot. The pack began to assemble and talk about what they expected out of this particular Hash. We all knew that it would SUCK AN ASS! I mean, come on, look we had for hares! Short Circuit and Habeas Whore Piss couldn’t lay good trail if their nuts were on the line. So, after a short stroll across the parking lot, to the liquor store, for our much needed supplies, we were ready to run. Habeas had us circle up and explained how the trail was set up. We broke off into 3 groups and were given a list. The lists consisted of objects and tasks we were to gather and take pictures of (which will be burned) and be at a gathering point by 5pm. With that we blew of the hairs and watched them as they ran away. They both run like fucking girls! The Trail: At, approximately, 3:30pm we all scattered like roaches. With No Name Terri and my 2 virgins by my side, I felt great! Then about a ˝ mile down the trail we spotted something. A stranger! Just what we needed! He looked a bit worried as we approached and started trying to explain the craziness we were involved in. Then luck struck again. There were two more of them in the house. We lined them up and made them smile for the picture. There was our first item marked off the list already! We were off to a good start. We began walking again. No Name Terri and Michelle were slapping flyers and EVERY telephone pole that we passed by. They are great Hash Pimps! We were still strolling along when we came to house with what, I have to say, were 5 of the cutest guys that I had seen in while. So, I wiped the drool off my chin and asked them for a picture of their naughty parts. Only one of them was remotely interested, and he was so much of a pussy we took a picture of his underwear. What happened to the good old days when you whispered the word “moon” and pants were dropping left and right? We began to walk again and reached the underpass. We decided this would be the best place to put some graffiti, and made a huge HHH with duct tape. We had to take a picture as evidence and did not want to disappoint so I began humping No Name Terri for the shot. After the humping episode, Terri and I got our wits about us, adjusted our boobs and were ready to go again. We had many more items to gather. We then headed down to Gatsby’s where No Name Michelle did a great job distracting the bartender while I a stuffed a BIG ASS chunk of hand chalk in my purse. Then we headed for Sidetracks. Those drunks were a great help!!! We got a receipt for a shot, a lime, and found the coaster signed by the R.A. on top of a video game. Next, we decided to pop into Hangar 9 for a nice relaxing drink and to tally up all the shit we had accumulated so far. This is where we almost caught the Hares. Damn that bartender! He is on my shit list! He gave them the signal that we were there and they ran like the punk bitches they are. We were able to obtain another item while we were there. All I am saying is, I feel so much closer to No Name Michelle now. So we set off on the hunt again and across the street to Old Town Liquors to get a bottle of tequila. After this, I realized my dumb ass had lost the list. So I went on a mad dash back and the nice man handed it to me with a smile. We made a detour in Pags to see if the hares were there, but walked out with the salt shaker we needed. We were headed down the street when No Name Michelle started telling a sex joke. Or course, she would screw it up and ruin the punch line. Let’s just say there is a big difference between oral and anal sex. The best thing about the joke was the drunken girl across the street that must have ears like Superman, because she shouted loudly, “Anal sex rocks!!!” On that note, No Name Ron became excited and wanted to run across the street and speak to this girl whom had captured his heart with this one statement. We had to drag him away and give him a good slap across the face to get him to focus again. We went to PKs to see if the hares were there. We did not find them, but we were able to find the beer sign that we needed. I looked around and everyone in the bar was staring into their beers, so I quickly ripped the sign off the wall, rolled it up and stuffed it down No Name Michelle’s pants. With that, we headed to The Cellar. We made our way down the stairs. Michelle was the first one down and she spotted the hares! She then proceeded to yell at the top of her lungs and before we could get down the stairs they were going out the back door. Punk Bitches!!! So we obtained the dust we needed from the shuffleboard and went on our way. The next mission was No Name Ron’s. We proceeded to the statue of the train conductor in the middle of town. Ron, very eagerly hopped up on the concrete block, grabbed his crotch and started licking his ear. I was laughing so hard I almost wet myself and the people passing by in their cars were enjoying the show too. We went to Boobie’s to gather the rest of our items, including our strangers. (Habeas’ note: Me and Circuit hid by the bar area the entire time they were in boobies!!) We had about 10 minutes before the “deadline” and like any good hasher knows, that is more than enough time to guzzle down a pitcher of beer. So we had a pitcher and made it to the gathering point. The hares told us to follow a trial they had marked to get to the end. They took us around the world. Those 2 sperm burping bitches need to learn how to mark a trail! The Circle: We finally made it to the end. There was much beer waiting for us. MMMMM…..sweet nectar. We sat down and waited for our turn to tally up. The first few items were nothing special. Then Habeas asked for the hand chalk. I pulled my BIG ASS chunk of chalk out of my purse, and slammed it out on the table. Habeas’ eyes got big and a smiled reached across his face. He held it up and informed everyone their chalk was disqualified. Damn we’re good! We finished the tally and started Religion. We started breaking in the virgins. Singing and making them do down-downs. Some of them need to work on their skills before the next hash. We also had the pleasure to name two hashers! Myself (No Name Amy) and No Name Terri were on the chopping block. They called for me first and I announced proudly that I was ready to receive my name. They ordered me to go sit by the bathrooms. I heard the yelling and started to get a little anxious, but they called me back and gave me the name “Tittius Showus.” Terri was the next one to receive her name. She was asked questions and had some very interesting answers. We sent her away to ponder what kind of fucked up situation that she had gotten herself into. We voted on a name and she was told to return to the circle. She then realized that she had dug herself an even deeper hole than she ever imagined. She was given the name “Horse Cock Terri.” (which, was later that evening, overturned by the R.A.) So from this point on she shall be known as “R.A.’s Bitch.” This is a very good name. She did make it known out of everyone in the Hash, he would be the one she wants to nail. The Religion finally came to an end. My team had won the hunt by 1 point! We would have been punished, but I think Habeas was just too hammered to care. So, we owe him one. HAHAHA! On-On, Hashers, On-On! Smooches, Tittius Showus
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